Every time I tell them about you, they tell me I don't sound like I am in love.
How can I explain that I used to have a fire inside of me before my tears put it out?

I want you young and angry and vigorous. I want you lost and horny. I want you hormonal and mean. I want you fashionable and careless. I want you sarcastic and apathetic. I want you cold and indifferent. I want you mature and busy. I want you exhausted and consumed. I want you hopeless and repetitive. I want you succeeding and failing. I want you drenching in sweat. I want your solid calves and obvious veins. I want your stamina and desire. I want you trying. I want you curious. I want you miserable and shameful. I want your inner child and spirit animal. I want you faithful and doubtful. I want you clumsy and stuttering. I want your scars and humiliation. I want you sobbing. I want you scared and alone. 
I want you whole. 

Relationship physics

You start as two opposite poles attracting each other so strong the clash leaves you dizzy kissing in the backseat of your car. Your love is too strong you start melting into one another. You start humming songs together and guessing their chuckles and giggles and tantrums beforehand. You are so similar, you lose your polarity. So similar it is time to repel slowly. Far and away. 

Things I wouldn't admit to myself

He looked at me like I'm a floating snowflake. Like he can have me all for himself. Like he wants to own me. Like he wants to hurt me then kiss it good. Like he wants to spread his filth on my innocence. Like he wants to get past the skin barrier and dig out my own inner filth. Like he wouldn't give up on me. Like he wants to see me weak, needy, helpless and holding tight on to him. I think I liked it.

Now, I got what I wanted. I can be old and worn out, and say "I once loved a boy".

- Am I beautiful?
- Yes, you are pretty.

love letter

You'd be an arrogant jerk to think my writings are about you, and you'd be stupid to think otherwise.

I'd love to hurt you. I'd love to punch you right in the stomach, and give you that fatigued muscle feeling mixed with nausea. I wouldn't stop until you can't hold yourself upright. Believe me, I wouldn't stop. I can and I would hurt you. Until you bleed or cry or hate me for it. And once you do, I'd be your best friend. I swear to God, I'd love you more than ever. That's the only reason I'd ever hurt you.

I'd love to break your heart and mend it again. I'd glue all the pieces together perfectly and leave one unreachable wound open, so when it itches, you'd need me.

I told them about you. God, I'll have to fucking kill you now.